Why couldn't I be one of those girls that LIKES to exercise?

So the day I wrote my first blog I went to the station to exercise. Didn't stay as long as I had initially planned but hey, at least I went right? Here is my big qualm though....I HATE THE STATION! Seriously, I never feel comfortable there or like I am not welcome. (for those that aren't CG when I say "station" I mean my husbands work) It is a pretty uncomfortable feeling. It's not so bad when my husband is there but when he isn't, it just not the best.
All of that to say.....I've only worked out ONCE this week. WTF? Where is my motivation??? Plus to make matters worse, I have picked up soda again after not having a single one in 2wks. Fail! Then I stupidly stopped at the store hungry and grabbed some junk food that I didn't need. Now I've had snacks that I sat and ate in one sitting and I'm trying to make myself feel better because I didn't just sit and eat these mindlessly. I started to eat them mindlessly, started to feel the guilt, then got up and tossed them in the trash! Maybe someday, this won't be such a struggle. Or I will start convincing myself that fruit is what I want instead of chocolate.

To change the subject....

So this is my HOT husband on his motorcycle....YEAH! I'm one lucky girl. Love him to death but feel incredibly sorry for the man. Want to know why? Because this is what he married.

And....

Awesome right? The poor guy married me when I was a whopping 132lbs. Even I thought I was cute then. But now all I feel like is a shell of what he married. I know he deserves better. Why is it that as he gets older, and yes even Derrick has gained weight but, he just starts looking more and more handsome? I suppose I don't think I'm being fair to him by keeping myself like this. I am trying to remember what I was like then. Do you even remember what you were like after several yrs of marriage and two kids later? I know we all change as we get older. But I have started to feel more and more lost about who I am. I was going to college, I had some serious drive to be a nurse. I wanted to be great at being a nurse, love it, swallow myself up in being one, and be married and happy, THEN have kids. I've done things out of order, and it seems I've been all out of consorts since then. And now, we just don't seem to be getting stationed places where I can finish my degree. I'm a sitting duck with about 74 college credits and nowhere to finish them.
I know I was also a whole lot more carefree of a person. I miss that person when I think of her. I have NO CLUE how to bring her back. I'm still carefree but, in a different way I suppose. Maybe the right word is carefree but cynical. lol Yeah that's it!
So when am I going to stop feeling sorry for myself? Ladies and gentlemen....I have no flipping clue! I'm assuming part of the reason I started this blog was to start throwing out there my feelings, embarassing myself by writing about what I've become, and hoping something will click. Cross your fingers cause 5yrs of the same thoughts is hard to snap out of.....