This has been a TERRIBLE week for me. I've been down in the dumps from some emotional stress, not working out, not seeing eye to eye with my husband, kids, friends, etc. And the cherry on top is I'm in my 3rd week of my "womanly cycle" which is always hell week for me and food. I sooo hungry! This is always the week for me that no amount of food will satiate my hunger, and I am never full. Which in turn is a disaster! The more I've eatten, the shittier I feel about myself, and say "why do I even bother"? Which I know is a whole load of hoopla!
So today the day is about halfway done, I've buried myself is swiss cake rolls, ice cream, and dum dum suckers, and I think I might call this day a wash. I'm still in my pj's from last night and have no motivation to shower and feel "pretty". Tomorrow, we are back on again. I need to find something bigger within myself to keep this going. No amount of pictures, or surrounding myself with skinny people (which unfortunately for me, would be every friend I have here) is going to keep me motivated. Wanting to find my inner skinnier me for my husband and it hasn't been enough to keep me going either. So I say it is time to do deeper soul searching! Making jokes about my weight and trying to laugh around it has been allowing me to cut deeper and make larger wounds than I knew I deserved but, it has been a coping mechanism. It frankly has stopped being funny a long time ago!
So, can I just say that I read this and cried with you? I do that same cycle of eating during week 3 - these Little Debbie snacks just call my name. When's the last time you had your thyroid and Vitamin D levels checked? (hugs)
ReplyDelete